When the Waiting gets too long…….it is Wonderful! (Lam 3:25)

It has been a long journey since I lost my job in February 2009. God has been leading me ever since, holding my hand and walking beside me through fears and tears, through pains and gains, through nopes and hopes! Its like the darkness which keeps getting denser and blinding my eyes from the power of the light within me. My apprehensions and my fears seem so real that they keep preventing me from setting my eyes on things above. The beautiful road I travelled thus far had many destinations some good and some bad. The moment I say to myself “I’m fine”, I find myself in a thought of despair the very next, saying “Why me?” However it is God’s lovingkindness which he bestowed upon me that makes me say “I’m still alive and so is my God and that is all that matters to live!”(Rom 8:28)

Surviving in this world of pace, technology and competition is not easy unless you ensure that you are not gripped by the rat race of power and riches. I have been learning to stand on solid ground so that even though the world around me collapses I can still bank on the corner stone. It is the Spirit of God that comforts and assures me of a hope in the future when I think of the chaotic present and contemplate the hopeless tomorrow(Isa 40:31). If only I had the eyes of God to see how this crisis of mine would end!

I always felt like Job in the beginning when I lost my job. God gave me one of the best jobs on campus and took it away even before a year passed by. Having declined the offer at Qualcomm and taking up BCS is something that my family regrets now. But I can only see God’s hand. It’s hard to understand the decision but it is easy to trust and say it was God’s planning for my best. Each time I try to understand the unfortunate turn of events in my recent past, it is humbling to see how God has rescued me from things worse than I could dream of. Whenever my fears and doubts take over me the only words that come to my lips are “I need you. More of you and less of me in my life.” Though I could never make complete sense of what I kept telling myself, there was a peace that calmed me down. (Jn14:27)

The character of Joseph has been another real encouragement to me. I mean if only Joseph could question God saying “What have I done to deserve this?” for all that he underwent. It was nearly two years that he had to wait in the prison until the butler who was supposed to request the King for his release actually did. I am sure he might have spent nights filled with tears and hope in his heart, waiting to be delivered. From the age of 17 when he was happily shepherding his father’s cattle until the age of 30 when he stood before the King, it was a remarkable journey. Times of tests, trials and temptations but each time God was with him(Gen 39:2,3,21,23). It becomes tough when the waiting exceeds the time we initially thought it could be. It gets tougher in the end and only real strength that comes from God can help calm the storm within. It was easy for me to convince others that I was doing fine but then I cannot but ask God at the end of the day, “How long O Lord would you turn your ears away from me?” Especially when all my attempts fail and when nothing seems to be moving, it is hard to understand if God is really hearing my prayers. That is when waiting taught me to trust God and put my hope in Him alone and not relying on my wisdom and my thoughts.(Prov 16:3,3:5)

There were times when I tried to put myself into the shoes of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. Can I really say, “Even though God does not give me a job (may be for one full year!), I will still worship him and continue to love him.” I get Goosebumps when I think of myself in that situation. When I go to church will I be able to sing meaningful praises to God along with the others? It may be easy to say but surely very hard to live it out loud. Waiting has given me the ability to stand still and know that God is God.(Exo 3:14,Psa 27:14). God has always been faithful to me and has brought me out from difficult situations. It is that confidence that keeps me going from one crossroad to the next. It is difficult sometimes to bring your family along with you in this journey. While you need them, they need you as well. My family has been a big support in the sense that they always tried to ease the pressure of me. God also sends beautiful people all through the journey to help you keep moving. It is amazing to see how God orchestrates things according to his plan and pleasure which are beyond our human understanding.

Finally I would like to close with James 1:2-4

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”